Love Resisted (Entwined Hearts #2) Page 7

  I hated these stupid talent competitions. The only reason I came was to watch Soph, and because I had Con’s back while he pined like a dick over Pea. One day he was going to have to do something about that. It was getting to the stage where it was embarrassing and I was going to have to confiscate his man card…if he’d ever earned it. I chuckled to myself and Con looked at me like I was crazy. Probably fucking am. Just then, everything went quiet. I’d zoned out through most of the talent competition as usual, but this was the last act and that meant the girls were coming up. Mr. Portman announced them.

  I watched her walk on stage. Soph. She was fucking beautiful.

  They were all wearing these long arsed red dresses that stuck to every bit of their bodies. My eyes were focused on Soph though. Shit, I thought her tits were going to pop out of the top of the dress. I’ve never loved and hated an item of clothing before, but hell that girl could make me feel things I never thought possible. The song started playing and I glanced around the hall, everyone as usual was fixed on the girls. They always drew people in.

  Some of the skanks got catty as fuck, and some of the lads needed a good beating the way they stared at them. Today was different though. As soon as they started singing I knew why. They’d been practicing a song for weeks, but this time they had copied the dance and the outfits from the music video. Usually, they just made up their own shit. But this one they’d been talking about for ages.

  I’d had to endure Rosie and Una hanging around us as they made up the four-piece that apparently the girls just couldn’t manage without. Fuck, but those girls were annoying. All flirty and falling over themselves to be near Con and me. They reminded me of Stacey and Ellie, and the only reason I put up with those two bitches was to keep Soph away. ‘Cause, fuck me if I let that girl in I ain’t ever getting her out. Having paid not too much attention to the song they’d picked, I never did, all I knew was it was slow. I thought this was a good thing as there was less chance of Soph getting all sexy with her damn dancing. I seriously needed to stop thinking about Soph like that.

  I thought this song wasn’t one I had to worry about, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The fucking moves the girls were making were sexy as fuck. I looked over at Con, but he was completely mesmerised by Pea. It was a look I’d seen on his face all the time when it came to her. He was a fucking pussy. His jaw was twitching too and I knew how he felt. Stealing another glance at Soph, my eyes were burning into her with the need to run on stage and carry her off so no other fucker could look at her. It was almost overwhelming, and then she looked at me and smiled. My heart felt like it constricted in my chest. I was turning into a pussy too. I switched my attention back to Con and noticed he was looking at Liam, who just happened, right at that moment, to be commenting on Pea’s arse. The cock that he was talking to, Jason, replied by saying that he’d like to have Soph’s tits in his hand. I’m not sure who got out of the chair first, but my brain had just enough time to take in the little pricks eyes widening as Con and I lunged for them. We both got a week’s detention for that. Totally worth it.

  The song finishes and I catch myself before I start getting too deep into my thoughts and feelings. Time to cut myself off. Shit. Wiping my hand down my face and feeling the need to get out of here, I stand up with a slight wobble and make my way outside. The cold air hits me like a slap in the face.

  Fuck, I must’ve been in there a while as it’s dark out here.

  I spot a taxi and flag it down. Thankfully it stops and I stumble inside.

  “You’re not going to be sick in here are you mate?” he asks.

  “Nah, just a long fucking day,” I reply and he nods. Telling him where to go he pulls away.

  This shit is getting worse. I was fine before the accident. Then again everyone was. We were all just coping in our own little bubbles. Pretending like everything wasn’t going to shit around us.

  Then the accident happened.

  It’s fucking stupid. I was considering talking to Soph before the accident. Maybe considering taking a chance on us. That’s why I went to Katy’s house that morning. To tell her, we were over. It wasn’t like I owed her anything. We’d only been together for a couple of months. If you could call it together. More like fucking.

  Then she had hit me with the bombshell that she thought she was pregnant. I’d instantly turned cold all over. That right there was packed away somewhere in the back of my brain ready to use when I needed to get rid of a boner in future.

  Shit. Probably be a boner for Soph.

  Fuck my life.

  The whole thing with Katy, even though it was a false alarm, thank fuck, had only reinforced what I’d thought before. Soph deserves better than me. Not because I don’t love her. Not because I’m an arsehole, although I know I am. It’s because she needs good friends. She needs to replace the family she hasn’t got. Hell, maybe I do too. We are her family, and if I behave selfishly and take what I want, then we split…that’s one less family member. One less person looking out for her.

  And nobody will have her back like me. No-one.

  No.

  I have to push my feelings aside. I’ve found it’s gotten harder lately though. A fuck of a lot harder. The more time I spend with her, the more I don’t want to be away from her.

  The taxi coming to a stop pulls me out of my thoughts. I get out of the car and head inside my apartment. When I open the door, Dane is seated on my sofa.

  “The fuck!” I shout walking in. Dane gets up and stands still. Legs slightly apart and his arms crossed over his chest. His stance looks like he’s ready for a fight.

  Fuck! I’m pretty sure I can take him. I’ve been training at kickboxing for years, but I’m slightly on the inebriated side and something tells me there’s more to my brother than he lets on to the world.

  “Listen, I wanted to talk to you. Con came over here with me and used his spare key. He stayed with me for a couple of hours, but you didn’t come back and Pea was calling him every five minutes,” he stops and rubs his chin looking at the floor. “She has become a crazy person since she got pregnant.”

  I snort at that. Fuck, he couldn’t be more right. She was always the chilled one and now she’s like a viper ready to attack. Brrrr. My body shivers.

  What happens to normal women when they get pregnant?

  Of course, that thought leads me to think about Soph with a beautiful rounded stomach carrying my child.

  What the actual fuck? I shake my head trying to get rid of the thoughts.

  I must be drunker than I realised.

  “So say what you came here for then leave,” I reply.

  Dane sighs and sits back down on the sofa. “Doesn’t it ever drain you?” he asks and I cock my eyebrow taking a seat in my Lazyboy chair.

  “What?”

  “Being pissed at the world” he answers with a smirk on his face.

  “Fuck off,” I reply dryly.

  “You can say what you want, but I can see it in you. I still see it in me sometimes.” It surprises me that he admits that to me. But I don’t say anything. I’m not ready to give anything away. I’m not in that place yet.

  “What do you want?” I ask and see a frown cross his face before it becomes blank.

  “Look Saul, I’m going to lay this out for you. You’re a man. You’re not a pussy. Why haven’t you claimed her yet?”

  I feel my body lock, but then the fight seeps out of me. He’s right. I’m being a pussy. I should have claimed her years ago.

  Hanging my head. “I don’t know…no that’s not right. I do…” Pausing, I try to put my words together before vocalising them. Maybe it’s time to start sharing.

  “When I was younger and started school, I met Con. We formed our friendship and it was solid within days. I’ve never turned away from that. He’s been like a brother to me through the years.”

  I watch as Dane swallows and hope that it doesn’t upset him, but he has to know Con is my brother. It’s just the way it is.

&n
bsp; “Con didn’t have a dad, or at least his dad was hit and miss. My dad was a fucker. He screwed around with every bit of skirt that he could get into until he finally left. Leaving me with that bitch.” I stop and shake my head. “We both know what a waste of space she is.”

  He doesn’t respond, but he narrows his eyes looking over my shoulder.

  “Soph and Pea were our friends, as much as you can be when you’re young kids. It was more like they got on our nerves, you know like a normal girl, boy thing. But for some reason the bond formed almost naturally and over the years we got even closer. Close enough that I saw how Soph’s mother treated her. Close enough that I noticed how she broke when her dad died. He was her saviour. He was her protector. When he died, she had nobody. Except me. I vowed to protect her. I’d tried to be her saviour. How can I be her fucking saviour, if I want to get between her legs?” I watch him grind his teeth waiting for him to say something else…he doesn’t.

  “I know you think I’m a fuckwit.” Dane nods his agreement. “But you haven’t been there forever. I know you’ve been around for a few years now, but not forever. She’s always been my forever. I’ll never let anyone hurt her. I couldn’t protect her from her fucking bitch of a mother, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let any other bastard hurt her. As far as I can tell every man she fucks she doesn’t let them get close enough to hurt her. Not really. You were the only one she let in.” I can see him visibly wince at my statement.

  “So what, you don’t have a problem with the fact that she fucks men, as you put it?” he asks working his jaw.

  “Fuck no!” I reply and his eyes widen just slightly, but enough for me to notice the reaction.

  “No?” he questions.

  “Look if I had my way she’d stay celibate forever. Unless, of course, she was in my bed. But as that’s not a possibility then this is the next best thing. I don’t think about her with different men.”

  That thought makes me throw up in my mouth a bit. Not that he needs that information.

  “I prefer it. If she’s fucking them, then that’s all she’s doing. Soph doesn’t get attached easily, so I know they won’t last long. That’s why I didn’t like you. She became attached.” I stop talking and click my neck from side to side. My head suddenly feels heavy and full of shit.

  “You know she never loved me, right? I mean I never loved her either. Not really,” Dane tells me and I look at him not replying.

  “We both have things we can’t get past…people. You’re it for her.”

  I bite my tongue at his words trying not to give him a reaction.

  “Who can’t you get past?” I ask, but I almost wish I hadn’t when sadness passes through his eyes.

  “Doesn’t matter who it is for me. Maybe one day we’ll have that discussion. One day when we are more like brothers and less like strangers,” he replies quietly, but I hear the bitterness in his voice. I can’t blame him. I haven’t really given him much time. Not that he’s pushed for it, but he has held out the olive branch before now.

  “Sorry!” The word’s out before I realise and it surprises both of us.

  “Don’t worry about it man,” Dane replies.

  “Thank you for coming tonight, for trying to pull my head out of my arse, No matter what I may seem like, I am grateful. It’s just not going to happen. Not when I feel like I need to remain her friend so I can protect her,” I tell him shaking my head.

  “Saul, there is something else. Something I’m getting the impression that you don’t know.”

  I raise my eyebrow in question but say nothing.

  “A few weeks before you came out of hospital Soph was attacked,” he says and suddenly I can’t move.

  “Some motherfucker grabbed her and tried to touch her. She fought and ended up smashing her head against the pavement and had to be hospitalised,” he continues.

  I can hear the blood whooshing in my ears as my anger rises. Standing up and grabbing the nearest thing to me I throw it across the room. It flies through the air and hits a picture frame on the wall. I watch as the frame smashes and all the glass shards scatter on the floor. I’m like those shards, scattered and spread so thin. I feel like there’s no way back for me. Like the frame, I’m beyond repair and besides, I’m not worth fixing.

  “I can’t believe this is the first I’m hearing about this shit!” I shout.

  “I don’t think it was intentionally kept from you, Saul. So calm the fuck down!” Dane shouts and I spin around on him. Suddenly I’m pretty sure I could easily take him. Especially with the white hot coals that are now under my skin.

  “Did you calm the fuck down when you found out?” I ask and his jaw ticks. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You were there for her and I wasn’t. The one thing that has kept me from being with her for all these years…the one fucking thing, and I can’t even do that right.” I pace the room. “I’m such a fuck up…she was right.”

  “What? Who was right?” Dane asks grabbing my arm.

  I snatch my arm away and glare at him before deciding to take a chance on my new brother. “Years ago when Soph’s dad was dying, I used to go to her house to visit. He was a good man. Fuck knows how he got stuck with that bitch. Anyway, he told me I was a good boy…I was only nine or ten. He asked me to look out for Soph and that he needed me to promise I’d always be there for her. I promised. Fuck! I was a kid.” Shaking my head and sigh. “A few years later, I must’ve been about fourteen. I realised my feelings for Soph had developed and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I remember trying to sing in my room, attempting to do something so that she’d notice me. If I’d done it, the lads would have called me a pussy. But she was worth it…” I pause and close my eyes for a second. “Mother heard me singing, she came in and asked me what the hell that racket was. I told her that I wanted to sing for Soph, so that she would see me…see inside me. Well, that bitch laughed her arse off. She told me Soph was a cheap tramp, but that even she deserved better than me.”

  I can still feel the ache in my chest at the thought of never being with Soph and I rub across my chest. “I vowed from that moment that I’d never get together with her. Not just because she deserved better than me, but she also deserved a family and fuck me, I couldn’t offer her that. I wanted to protect her from our bitch of a mother. Just like I wanted to keep her safe from the world, and I couldn’t even do that.” I sit back in my chair feeling useless and wishing I had a bottle of something strong to hand.

  “I tried to find him, but couldn’t. I feel like I’ve failed her too,” Dane sits back on the sofa while he relays that message.

  Neither of us speaks. Sometimes there aren't any more words to add. A good ten minutes go by of our own internal thoughts in a silent apartment. Then Dane says, “Saul, if you love her, really love her with everything you are, then don’t be a prick. Whether you’re here in this place alone in a cold bed or over at my place in her bed keeping warm, you’ll always want to protect her. In which location do you think you can protect her better? Here wallowing or lying beside her?”

  I sit back and think about what he’s said. I’m not sure if my head is still fuzzy from the alcohol earlier in the night, but he’s actually making sense. Ever since I’ve cut off communication with our mother, I have started to see just how poisonous and vindictive she really has been over the years. I need to be with Soph, it’s where I’ve always wanted to be. My brain is still pulling away though knowing this is going to be an uphill battle for me. It’s going against every instinct I have programmed into myself since I was fourteen. I sit back and sigh.

  “The question is…do you love her enough?” Dane asks breaking the momentary silence.

  I stare at my hands then look at Dane. “She’s the only woman on this planet that has the power to bring me to my knees.”

  At my admission, he nods his head with a sharp jerk and stands up saying, “She’s moved into my house as I have enough space. She wants to be away from the happy couple.” He smirks. “That’s all there i
s. I love her, but as a sister. Maybe sister-in-law one day.” With that, he winks and walks out the front door leaving me standing there having my arse handed to me by my big brother, and all I can think about is Soph in a white fucking dress.

  Standing in the middle of my new blue and white bedroom, it’s the first weekend in March. I’m so glad I picked this room. Dane said I could choose any one except his, of course, but this one feels like it was meant for me. Although I might get a new bed…with side rails.

  I’ve managed to unpack after the guys got together and moved my stuff. Luckily Pea was excited for me to be moving forward. But she did have a few tears and she held onto my arm for about ten minutes unwilling to let me go, and that was before I’d even packed.

  Saul has been acting strange, all stiff and distant. I’ll have to grab him for a chat about it later. I’m hoping he gets that there’s nothing sexual with Dane and me. Even so, I think I need to clear that aspect up. They need to form a relationship. And as much as they may not realise it, they do need each other. They’re both such good men and they deserve to have blood family. Dane now has Pea, and they are as close as any brother and sister who had grown up together would be. Saul still sits on the outside though. He’s always been Mr. Broody, but since the accident he’s been more closed off than normal and I’m getting sick of it. I know how I feel about him. I’m not kidding myself. But the love I have for him was born from our friendship first. No matter what he does with his life, and where our roads lead, I will always be ready to cross the bridge to be by his side if he needs me. That will never change.

  My phone vibrates and I pull it out of my pocket. It’s a text from Pea.

  Pea: Sorry I’ve been up and down with my moods. This child is making me a bit hormonal!

  I laugh at her text. Hormonal is an understatement. Bat-shit crazy is closer to the truth.

  Me: No worries sweets. Just give me a smoke signal or send over a carrier pigeon when you’re next acting crazy, and I’ll make sure to stay away for a few days.